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| random flashes of light trail by. looking out the bus window, i feel the nowhere's gaze. it's so lonely, an abandoned night sky that beckons for my consort. i yawn and turn my attention to my sleeping mistress.
"sorryyyyyyyy," she bemoans, with her face still buried in my neck.
"no need to apologize," i tell her.
the certainty of a fleeting moment is that, by its infallible end, it can never be exactly duplicated. i'm sure that the moonlight's peeking glare will never rest against her cheeks quite so gracefully again... nor will i ever sift my fingers through her hair in exactly the same manner. all i really am is this instant, a second hand on her wristwatch. i'm a memory for her to carry.
she looks up and asks, "do you think i'm weird for smelling you all the time?"
"no," i answer, "in fact, i think it's cute."
"OKAY!" she blurts out and proceeds to dig even further with her nose.
i hear her sniffs, her whiffs, and enjoy being smothered by her piquant affection. our time is running out, she already knows. in the overhead compartment, our days are packed in suitcases and bags - each of us wishing we had room for more. she takes notice of my pensiveness, sits up and stares at me.
"it's so amazing that you're next to me," she smiles, "i still keep asking myself if this is real or if i'm only dreaming!"
"well, i could pinch you and we'll find out," i tell her.
"but even that still wouldn't be enough," she hugs my arm, "i need to see you, hear you, touch you, smell you..."
she stops one phrase short. her lips have said all but the one thing they desire most. and i know there will never be a moment more right than this one, with her longing eyes enchanting me so daintily... i hold her chin up and lean closer, her body paralyzed as her pulse hastens with anticipation. ba bump ba bump. i close my lips on hers and breathe into her the secrets of my beating chest. my lips leave her with a smile and a whisper,
"now you've felt me with all of your senses."
she's speechless. i can see her blush even in darkness... then, all the lights suddenly turn on like a spotlight on cue. the bus has reached a pit stop.
"ummmm," visibly embarrassed, i don't know what else to say. we both start laughing. damn that bus driver - what a way to sabotage a perfect moment! | | |
| O'Hare airport in Chicago, Terminal 5, Exit B... two years ago, but it feels like yesterday. my love waited there... little did she know that i came through Exit A by mistake, so i snuck up behind to surprise her. that's when she screamed and kissed me, teary-eyes that said, "i missed you". wrapped around me like a koala bear, the way i wish she held me now. we danced in the spotlight of onlooking eyes.
during my months in japan, i kept a journal. a page in it reads, "there's one moment that i think about every day. the day i left home (on April 1st), she clinged to me, smiled, and said, "April Fools! you're not leaving!" though it must've been hard... so hard, but she tried to make the best of the situation. it's her inner strength that amazed me. and it's my most favorite moment, the moment that changed everything, because that's when i realized that she was the 100% perfect girl, and the only one for me."
second chances don't come often. God only knows why i pushed that girl away, the one girl who never gave up hope on me. so, now i'm standing by Exit B and waiting for my mother to return from her Frankfurt flight... except i'm secretly hoping for someone else to come out. impossible, i know... but a panic strikes hard, like she should be here and i can almost see her next to me again... deja vu, with tears swelling under my eyelids.
feelings rushing back to me, memories i can't escape. and to make matters worse, the airport customs are dragging the wait. i start pacing back and forth, feel like screaming out her name. never knew i was this weak. found new hands to hold, new lips to kiss, but the heart still remembers her. the truth is... i miss her.
"heyy! where were you looking?" my mother says, "you didn't even notice me coming out!"
and i breathe out a deep sigh of relief.
"welcome home," i tell her, "now let's get out of here."
on the drive home, i look back at the airport.
"how about another chance?"
"no," i tell myself, clutching her friendship ring around my neck,
"it's too late for that now."
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| on your list, i'm just a number. i passed through your life like a breeze across a half-empty page in your diary. tell me, darling, if you ever think of me - if somewhere in your heart is a treasure chest full of our abandoned memories.
photos of you, resting on my dusty shelf like snow-covered leaves, remind me of the winter when we met, winter when we kissed, winter when we parted.. sometimes your eyes would leak sadness like beautiful flowers that wither before dawn. maybe you somehow knew that, like everything else, we'd fade away in time.. but your glance still touches me as if it's the first one.
i'm but a doll that can't feel pain, hopelessly derailed by following your footsteps silently. i wait for you to pick me up and unravel me. but changing tides obscure our paths, taking with them my heaviest of tears. it now rests with the delegates of fate to decide if we'll still be companions in the coming years. after tonight, this night of no sleep,
do you ever think that it's too late for dreams?
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| i saw a meteor shower tonight. the stars, they fall so quickly and disappear in less then a second. if you just blink, then you might miss one. but the moment you see a light streak across the night sky, you would swear that it's the most beautiful half-second-long experience ever... except that another star will soon shoot by, and that one will become the most beautiful ever. but it, too, will in no time become outdated as you glance elsewhere in the sky and eagerly anticipate the next one. so what could one lone shooting star, in a thousand of others, ever hope for? after its moment is gone, there will always be another one to outshine it. it's only a matter of time.
a fickle affair, don't you think? | | |
| i never thought i'd see her again. don't know if she missed me like i missed her. but it doesn't matter. she was there. i hope that she won't give up on me yet. but i get this feeling, that tomorrow will be different, that she'll turn silent again.
update: i was right. F my life.
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